關於性，青少年想知道的事情

在TED-ED上面看到的內容，覺得挺適合我學生們的年齡，頗適合教這個年紀的老師們看看，雖然不知道其他老師是否會跟我一樣，明明不是教健教，卻常常會碰到這類問題，但......老師們畢竟脫離青春期有點久了，就複習一下這年紀的傢伙們都在想什麼吧！

雖然內容有點長（好奇怪，剛睡醒的時候用手機看好像沒那麼長，怎麼開電腦看變好多字！），但真的就是青少年會問的問題沒錯！


原文出處：
What Teens Really Want to Know About Sex
http://blog.ed.ted.com/2016/03/14/what-teens-really-want-to-know-about-sex/

What teens really want to know about sex

關於性，青少年想知道的事情

On the first day of the high school Sexuality and Society class that I teach, I don’t pass around anatomy drawings or hand out pamphlets about safer sex — although those are stacked on a table near the door. Instead, the first thing I do is establish ground rules in the classroom: People should speak for themselves, laughter is OK, we won’t ask “personal history” questions, and we’ll work to create a community of peers who care about and respect one another. Then, I introduce the Question Box — a safe place where students can drop any question they have about human sexuality. The Question Box (an old shoebox with a hole cut into the top of it) usually stays in the back corner of my classroom, next to some scraps of paper and some pencils.

在高中我第一天的第一堂性別與社會課上，我沒有發解剖學的圖案，也沒發安全性行為的宣傳小手冊（雖然小冊子都已經堆在門邊的桌上了）。相反地，我做的第一件事是確定教室規則：要為自己發言、笑是可以的、我們不問個人過往經歷的問題、我們要一個關懷且尊重彼此的同儕團體。接下來，我介紹了「問題箱」，學生可以把他們對人類「性」的問題丟到這個安全的地方，問題箱（一個上面開了個洞的舊鞋盒，）通常會放在我教室的後面角落，放在一些紙張跟鉛筆的旁邊。

Below are some actual questions from students and my answers to them. I haven’t done any fancy editing; these are the questions just as the kids asked them. They run the gamut from innocent to downright technical. My answers are exactly as I gave them, to show how even a simple question allows for both information and value clarification to be offered in response. Here goes:

下列是從學生那裏得到的真實問題，以及我對他們的回答。我沒用什麼精美的編輯，就是孩子們問的問題，從很純真的到技術層面的都有，我的答案就跟給他們的一樣，展示出即使是一個簡單的問題，都需要資訊跟重要的澄清去回答，如下：

“Why is sex so good?” There are two ways to answer this question. From the biological perspective, sex feels good for an important evolutionary reason. If a species, like ours, is going to reproduce sexually, then there’s an advantage if that action also feels good. As I’ve often said, if sex felt like getting your tooth drilled at the dentist, people wouldn’t have it very often, and that could eventually threaten the survival of our species. Our bodies have evolved so that our genital regions, as well as many, many other parts of the body, are sensitive to sexual stimulation.

「性為何如此美好？」這個問題有兩個方式可以回答。從生物觀點來說，性感覺美好是有重要的進化原因，如果一個物種，像是我們，要透過性去繁衍，那麼如果這個動作感覺起來很棒的話，就會是個優點。如同我常說的，如果性像是去看牙醫鑽牙一樣，人們就不會常常去做它，那麼最後就會威脅到我們物種的存亡。我們的身體已經演化到生殖部位，還有身體其他很多很多部位，都對性刺激敏感。

A part of the body that brings sexual pleasure when stimulated is called an erogenous zone. This does not mean just our genitals. All of us have many places on our bodies that result in sexual pleasure when stimulated. Knowing your own and your partner’s erogenous zones can lead to much more fulfilling sexual experiences. The mechanisms of sexual pleasure involve a combination of nerve impulses, blood flow, and muscle tension. To find out more about this, you might Google the phrase “human sexual response cycle” and look at the work of Masters and Johnson, two famous sex researchers who studied the body changes that happen when people get sexually excited.

被刺激的時候，身體有的部位會帶來性的愉悅，叫做「敏感帶」（erogenous zone），這不等同於我們的生殖部位。我們每個人的身體上都有很多地方被刺激時都會有性愉悅，了解你自己跟伴侶的敏感帶可以有更多令人滿足的性體驗。性愉悅的機制包含了神經衝動、血液的流動、肌肉緊張的綜合運作，這部份想要了解更多的話，可以google「人類性反應循環」（human sexual response cycle），看看Masters跟Johnson的作品，這兩位是有名的性研究者，研究人在性興奮時身體會發生什麼改變。

The second reason sex feels good is that humans have developed the emotional capacity to feel love, intimacy, and passion. These emotional states highlight and deepen sexual pleasure. While pleasure can exist without these emotions, it is much more significant when they are present.

覺得性很美好的第二個原因，是人類已經發展出情感能力，能夠感受愛、親密、熱情，這些情感狀態可以放大或是深化性的愉悅感。當愉悅感可以在這些情感以外依然存在時，代表它是更明顯的。

“When is someone emotionally and physically ready for sex?” I wish I had an answer that would be right for all people at all times, but the real answer is “it depends.” We are all unique individuals, and our relationships are all unique. Because of that, there can’t be a standard answer to this question. Wouldn’t it be great if we could say, “The Thursday following your sixth date is the most appropriate day to start having sex”? But, of course, that’s not the way it works.

「一個人什麼時候才是心理與生理上都準備好有性行為？」我希望我有個放諸四海皆準的答案，但真實的答案是「看情況」。我們都是獨一無二的個體，我們的人際關係也都是特別的，因為這樣，對這個問題沒辦法有個標準答案。「在第四次約會後的那個禮拜四是最適合開始上床的好時機」如果能有個像這樣的答案不是很棒嗎？但是，理所當然的，事情並不是這樣的。

I think it’s appropriate to start being sexually active with a sweetheart (and remember: I define sexually active as being involved with someone else’s body for the purpose of giving and receiving sexual pleasure) when intimacy, commitment, and passion are established and both people have pretty equal amounts of these feelings for each other. I don’t think these things develop quickly, so I don’t think sexual activity is appropriate on a first date or early in a new relationship.

我認為當親密感、承諾、熱情都已經有了根基，雙方對彼此在這些項目上都也有了大約同等的感受，最好先跟一位甜心開始主動些的生理性接觸（記得：我所定義的主動生理性接觸，是指跟某個其他人的身體有關，為了給予跟獲得性愉悅的行為），我不認為這些東西能很快的滋長出來，所以我不認為在第一次約會，或是一段新關係的早期就發生性行為。

I also think people aren’t ready to become sexually active if they can’t talk about it with their partners in a serious way, and also talk about safer sex practices, contraception (if appropriate), and possible positive and negative consequences and how they’d deal with them. Emotionally, a person has to be ready to face other people’s response, positive or negative, to the sexual activity, and be willing to share those emotional reactions with his or her partner.

如果不能跟伴侶認真的討論性、安全的性措施、避孕（如果這麼說適當的話）、可能的正面與負面結果，以及該如何應對這些情況的話，我也認為這個人還沒準備好。在情感上，人必須要準備好去面對其他人對於性行為肯定或否定的反應，也要願意把這些情感反應跟伴侶分享。

As you can see, I think it takes a lot for a couple to be ready to engage in sexual activity. If any of the above things aren’t in place, I’d say you’re not ready.

如同你所見的，我認為對一對情侶而言，要開始性關係是有很多事情要準備，如果上述任何一項沒有到位，我會說你還沒準備好。

“Could you use a balloon as a condom?” Short Answer—ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! UNSAFE! UNHEALTHY! DANGER! DANGER! Longer Answer: OK, I’m calmer now. Condoms are made to be condoms; balloons are made to be balloons. Both can be made of latex, but that doesn’t mean they’re interchangeable. You wouldn’t use a pencil eraser as a car tire even though they’re both made of rubber, would you?

「可以用氣球當保險套嗎？」簡單版的答案：當然不行！！不安全！不健康！危險！危險！長版的答案：好的，我現在比較冷靜了，保險套是被製造來當成保險套用的，氣球是拿來當氣球用的，兩者都可以用乳膠製成，但不代表他們可以互換，你不會拿橡皮擦當成汽車輪胎吧？儘管這兩個都是橡膠做成的。

Condoms, when used correctly, are an essential tool in reducing the risk of pregnancy and STIs. They work so well because they’re designed for that purpose. No condom substitute (balloon, plastic baggie, sock — whatever) will provide the same level of protection, and some can do more harm than good. So insist on the original! Sometimes people ask about condom substitutes because they don’t know where to get condoms or are embarrassed to get them. Condoms can be purchased at any local drugstore; there are no age requirements for buying condoms and no prescriptions are necessary. Free condoms are available from many health clinics, sexual health agencies, and even some schools (although ours does not provide free condoms at this time).

保險套，如果用得正確，是個降低懷孕與性病感染風險的重要工具。它們之所以有用，因為它就是為了這個目的設計的，沒有其他的保險套替代品（氣球、塑膠袋、襪子......不管是什麼東西）能夠提供同樣層級的保護，而且有的東西甚至是壞處多過好處。所以，請堅持用原本的東西！有的時候人們會詢問保險套的替代品，因為他們不知道去哪裡找保險套，或是太害羞去買它，保險套能在任何當地的藥局買到，買保險套也沒有任何年齡要求或處方的必要，很多健康診所、性健康機構，甚至是一些學校都有提供免費保險套（雖然我們學校現在沒有提供免費的）

Here’s an important thing to consider. If a person doesn’t feel confident enough to acquire condoms, then maybe they shouldn’t be having intercourse. Being ready for sexual intercourse means being able to handle all aspects of the situation, including protecting oneself and one’s sweetheart from unwanted consequences. Remember my rule about sexual activity—“ If you can’t look your partner in the eye and talk about it, then you can’t do it with them.” My rule for condoms is, “If you can’t take responsibility for securing condoms, then you’re not allowed to have the kind of sexual activity that calls for using condoms.”

有件重要的事情需要思考，如果某人連去獲取保險套的自信都沒有，那麼他們或去就不應該有性行為，準備好要發生性行為的意思是能夠處理所有的情況，包括保護他自己與他的甜心免於一些不理想的後果。記得我在性活動上面的規則----「如果你沒法直視你伴侶的眼睛並討論性，那麼你就不能做」而我對保險套的規則是「如果你無法擔起安全保險套的責任，那麼你就不准發生那種需要用到保險套的性活動。」

“How can you tell if a guy likes you?” I know you’re really hoping for a clear-cut answer here, but that’s just not the way it works, I’m afraid. People can react in all kinds of ways when they like you. Some people get really quiet around you. Others will make sure you notice them. Some will tease you or act annoying. Some will just silently stare at you (yes, that can feel a little creepy).

「你要怎麼分辨某個傢伙喜歡你？」我知道你真的很想要一個清清楚楚的答案，但我恐怕事情不是這樣的，當人們喜歡你的時候，可以有各樣的反應，有的人非常安靜的待在你身邊，其他人會確保你有注意到他們，有的人會嘲笑你，或是有很煩人的舉動，有的就只是靜靜的看著你（沒錯，是可能覺得毛毛的）

The best way to figure out if a guy likes you is to ask him! Might it feel awkward to do that? Sure, but it’s also a way to get a clear answer. You might want to resort to the middle-school tactic of asking your friends to ask his friends if he really likes you or not, but that makes the whole thing so much more public than it needs to be. You could try using Facebook or texts to figure it out, but they’re not great ways to get clear information.

要分辨某個傢伙是不是喜歡你的最好方法就是去問他！覺得這麼做怪怪的？當然，但這是獲得明確答案的方法，你可能會想採取中學生的戰術，讓你的朋友去問他的朋友他到底喜不喜歡你，但是這會讓整件事變得比它原本還要公開，你可以試試用臉書或是簡訊去找答案，但這些不是獲得明確資訊的好方式。

Why not try the kind of “I message” we use in class? In an I message, you describe the situation, say what you feel, and say what you want or need. Below are two different I messages you might try (or make up your own!).

為何不試著用我們在課堂中用的「傳訊」？在傳訊的時候，你描述情況，然後說你的感受，說你想要或需要什麼，下列是兩種不同的訊息，你可以試試看（或是想個你自己的！）

#1: “I’m trying to figure something out and I could use your help. I’m feeling a bit confused about what you think of me. I’m wondering, can you be honest with me and tell me whether you like me or not?”

例子1：「我試著要搞清楚一些事情，而且我需要你的幫忙，對於你是怎麼想我的，我有點疑惑，我在想你是否能夠與我坦承，告訴我你是否喜歡我？」

#2: “It’s hard for me to figure out if someone likes me or not. I’d be a lot less anxious if I knew for sure. So, I was just wondering, do you like me?”

例子2：「弄清楚某人是否喜歡我對我來說事件困難的事，如果我能清楚的知道，就會比較不那麼焦慮，所以，我想知道你喜歡我嗎？」

Asking such a question might seem scary, but remember, the worst a person can say is no, and you’re absolutely strong enough to hear that and be OK. Believe it! Then go ask him.

問個這樣的問題可能看起來很嚇人，但是記得，對方能說的最糟答案是「不」，而你絕對足夠強壯去聽到這答案，而且會沒事，相信吧！然後去問他。